Whether you are a Turk or a homeschooling Turk wannabe, an accomplished businessman or a creepy homeschooler, a professional baker or a clumsy homeschooler, the solution to all your problems is in the kitchen aisle in every supermarket. From a distance, it doesn’t look that impressive: a simple colored square, but once you have experienced how it feels to own one, everyone will want a pizza the action. Everyone will adough you. Everyone will want a pot holder.
Pot holders have been a part of the Turkish culture for centuries. According to legend, five hundred years ago there lived an amazing chef who had apparently been homeschooled as a child. He would spend all his thyme each day experimenting and discovering poticularly delicious dishes. Unfortunately, he kept burning his hands until one day he declared, “Let it go! Let it go! I can’t hold the pot anymore,” and he invented the noble, but simple, elegant but basic, beautiful but practical pot holder.
To this day, pot holders play a vital and essential role in Turkish people’s lives in the kitchen, from the very obvious use of holding pots and pans, to the ability to roast vegetables or friends. It can also act as a gorgeous miniature rug to cover that one cracked kitchen tile that just works on your homeschooling brain’s nerves.
The mistake most people make is leaving their beloved pot holder in the house. To help with this, give it a name so that it can join the truckload of stuffed animal friends you take out with you on your homeschooling trips. For starters, you can use it to open the steaming hot handles of doors and cars in the summer or to shake the dirty, germ crawling hands of your friends, though studies have shown that eating a clove of garlic before going out is actually the best way to blow a person away. Additionally don’t forget to take the pot holder with you to those unbearably stinky public bathrooms to hold over your nose and protect you from that outrageous smell that could scar you for life.
Moreover, if you are more of an upper-class Turk or super weird homeschooler, use your potholder as a stylish fan to create a lovely breeze to cool down those hot summer days. It can also serve as a nifty hat if you are one of those homeschooling tourists visiting Turkey that have apparently never seen a sunny day in their life. However, in case you are already terribly sunburned from the scorching Mediterranean sun, just cut two holes in your snazzy potholder and use it as a mask. You are guaranteed to no longer feel the burn – of the heat or those making fun of how much you look like Bob the Tomato.
And so, if you would like one of these multi-functional, live-saving, stunning kitchen appliances so that all your Turkish friends can finally forget what a weird homeschooler you are, call 911 or order online at https://iamaweirdhomeschooleroradesperateturk.com and get free shipping to Antarctica.