Arts & Culture

Writer’s Block

Well, my friends, I am suffering from the disease that claims all writers eventually, that monster, writer’s block.


I’ve got absolutely nothing. My brain is a blank slate of confused emptiness. I really have no idea what to do next with the story. In place of a story today, I’m going to be writing about cooking. Why, you ask?  Because I’ve gotten a new cooking tool that’ll knock your socks off!

I find cooking an enjoyable pastime, though the food I make may or may not be fit for consumption. One dish I love to make is apple-chicken dumplings. There’s only one problem with this recipe: it involves sliced cabbage.

Why is that a problem, you ask? Just slice some cabbage, you say.  Well, it’s easy, if you have a food processor, which I don’t, which means I have to chop it by hand. It adds about two hours to prep time and makes my hands very, very sore. At least, it did, until I found the greatest kitchen tool ever: the mandolin slicer.

Lettuce (heh, heh)  cut to the chase, and talk about this culinary miracle. Got a block of cheese that needs shredding? The mandolin can do it! Have to slice up some troublesome carrots? The mandolin has it covered! Bored with chopping up veggies? Just let the mandolin slicer take care of it!

This cutting edge technology has revolutionized the kitchen. It slices through the competition at razor fast speed. It reduces prep time significantly and also reduces hand soreness!

You can get it at a variety of places, including but not limited to, Walmart, Target, Kohl’s, Amazon, Bed Bath & Beyond, and many other locations (and ESPECIALLY at! Disclaimer: Clay Magazine is not liable for any fingers, toes, and other appendages removed and/or damaged by use of a mandolin slicer via the suggestion of yours truly. Happy April Fools! He is risen!

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